'I don't know everything.' That's what I've been told and I believe it. I don't know everything ... I'll never know everything. It's comforting to know that I don't 'have' to know the right answer all the time, or to even have 'an' answer, right or wrong. The pressure is off. So while others dance around conversations pretending to know what they're talking about and looking foolish after all is said and done, I feel peace in knowing that I don't know the answer and don't have to pretend I do. 'I don't know.' It's one of the most comforting things to say. That's not to say I don't know where to 'find' the answer, or that I've given up learning. On the contrary. I've built quite a formidable library in which to research my questions. If I don't happen to have the answer at hand, I know where to look or who to ask and usually do so like a student, no matter the topic. That's the fun part, finding the answer. Pretending to know the answer is just plain pretentious. With that said, I offer these ten things magicians do which I feel is downright contemptuous. I don't claim to know everything (see first sentence,) I just see things as they are and quite frankly, don't like what I see. Magicians are apparently oblivious to these abominable acts they perpetrate. They do what they do and care little of the consequences. My guess is they perform these deeds to feel better about themselves. But it's just plain wrong. Instead of magic, they should try therapy. Most won't be happy about these ten observations. A few things will happen because of it. People will see themselves, think about what they do, and make a change. Oh, if life were that easy. Others will boycott my magic books and videos. That's alright, I don't have magic books and videos to sell. Some will scoff at what I have to say as ridiculous, and continue doing these horrific acts. Oh well. If I can get at least one person to think about these things and make a change, it'll all be worth it. C'mon, one person let me know that what I've said has made a difference. One person is all I ask. Make a change. I now present to you what I feel are the real Miseries of Magic:
I
I actually witnessed this: while attending a David Copperfield show, I saw a magician making balloon animals in the lobby during intermission. I know he wasn't hired by the Copperfield team to do this. He just happened to have balloons in his pocket and made one, then another until a small line formed. He might just as well have put a hat out and pitched. Please don't make balloon animals at someone else's show unless said person has asked you to (and they probably won't ... so don't.)
II
While attending a Penn Teller show in a beautiful theater, I spotted a handful of magicians performing tricks in their seats for the people sitting next to them, all before the show even started. I guess they felt there was time while people were coming into the theater, nothing's really happening and they wanted to impress the strangers sitting next to them with the trick they just learned that day. Interesting. When I went to a Tony Bennett concert I didn't see any singers do a few songs in the audience before the show. At the Big Apple Circus, I didn't see any aspiring jugglers doing three ball juggling in the lobby during intermission. Why does every other audience act like adults, but magicians seem to act like big children? If it's not your show and you're not hired to perform, then don't.
III
Attention close-up magicians: when asked to perform a magic trick for someone who's working (i.e. waitress, cashier, doctor,) make it a quick one. If it's more than thirty seconds, it's too long. A waitress has work to do, a cashier has people waiting in line, a doctor has me sitting in his waiting room for an hour already. Get it done quickly. No tricks with long storylines, no four phase oil and water, no moving the person to a certain spot so they don't see you flash something. They don't have time! Vanish a coin, bend a spoon, push a cigarette up your nose. Do it quick and get it over with, they have work to do.
IV
Here's another lame-o thing magicians do. Professional Magic Guy has a magic special on television. He shows the audience an asparagus stalk, then vanishes it under an olive leaf. The next day, Amateur Magic Guy goes to the local magic shop and asks, 'Do you have the Vanishing Asparagus Stalk Under Olive Leaf trick? I want to perform it in a show this weekend.' Wow, two things I hate rolled into one. First things first: the performer doesn't pick the trick, the trick picks the performer! Don't spend your time looking at video tapes of magicians who've been on the boob tube, or paging through a magic catalog thinking what trick to put in next. Examine the character you portray, look at your personality. When you can define that in specific terms, the tricks fall into place - the tricks come to you. Copperfield, Blaine and Burton don't have all the answers for you. If you're going to waste time watching other magicians, watch yourself. Video tape one of your performances and study your character and personality. And the second part to this is, you can't learn a brand new trick on Tuesday and have it ready for audience consumption on Friday. Some effects/routines take months if not years before they're ready. Don't ruin it for everyone else by performing when you're not ready (which is about ninety-five percent of the magic community.) V The sound of riffling cards and coins constantly hitting the floor in public places rattle my nerves. Especially when I'm in a conversation with said amateur. Practicing in public is not only bad practice, it's rude. You're not in a conversation if, while talking with someone, you're practicing your classic pass, or trying to do a coin roll ('trying' is the operative word.) Or even just riffling cards making that awful 'ffftttpppp' sound with the cards (Okay, I probably spelled the sound wrong, but you know what I'm talking about.) Is it that these practioners are looking for an 'in' to perform for anybody, anytime? They feel if they make some noise with a half dollar or some cards, it'll attract attention and - boom - there's their in. Instant audience. They're so desperate for attention, they'll stoop to dropping coins and cards just to have someone look at them. Hobbyists: stop diddling your cards and coins in public ... diddle in the privacy of your homes like everyone else.
VI
Nothing irks me more than an amateur-part-time-out-of-work magician seeing a professional's commercial trick and making it himself only to sell them to the local club. Kids, 'D'Lite' is Rocco's. You can't just go to Radio Shack, buy the supplies, make some of your own and sell them for fifteen bucks a piece to other amateur-part-time-out-of-work magicians. It's not yours to sell. You didn't create it. You didn't talk to Rocco about this. You have no right to make a few extra bucks off someone else's creativity. If you do, it means you have no creativity of your own, it means you can, and should, get busted, it means you'll have no respect from anyone (not that you actually care ... you're a thief, after all.)
VII
Okay you magic club hobbyists with your raccoon hats, when a professional magic lecturer comes to your town, whether he traveled locally or from another part of the country, support the guy by buying his lecture notes and video tapes. I know first hand that magic clubs who hire a lecturer will buy one copy of lectures notes and video tape, and then pass them around to the members to copy. They whisper to each other, 'Don't buy the notes, the club has one, I'll get it for you' or 'Don't get his video, I have one, I'll make a copy for you.' Hey guys, listen up, professionals magician/lecturers aren't going to be around anymore if you don't support them. They'll have to get jobs somewhere else and you know what? You won't have magic material anymore. It'll all dry up. Support the pros so we can all have more!
VIII
I heard a local magician say this to a young kid while attending a lecture, 'He's nothing. He's got no skill whatsoever. He couldn't sleight himself out of a paper bag ... he's got no talent.' I asked who he was talking about. The magician said, 'David Blaine.' Hey guys, it's not cool to badmouth professional magicians in public. First off, no matter how you feel about David Blaine or David Copperfield or Lance Burton ... you wouldn't be getting as much work without them. Plus, it makes you look lame to talk badly of people in your own field. You make 'yourself' look bad, not those you're trashing. Try to support our craft. Even if someone says, 'How did Copperfield make the Statue disappear?' It's okay to say 'I don't know' (see first sentence.) Saying, 'I know, but I can't say,' tells people there's a secret trick involved that they don't know about and you do and you're not gonna tell them ... nya, nya, nya. Hey, remember this is theater, we're all trying to make it real ... play the part of a magician. Let them wonder. Instead say, 'I don't know how he made the Statue disappear, wasn't it fabulous?' Support wonder, not your own damn egotistical self.
IX
Don't tell people you know how someone else's trick works. Just because you don't perform the trick in question, you can't tell laymen the secret. Not only is it unfair, but it takes the wonder away. Try to build wonder whenever possible, even if it makes another magician look better than you (see VIII.) Put your ego away and try to help this art. We're near the bottom of the entertainment food chain, along with mimes and clowns. Let's try to dig our way up to the top.
X
I hate guys that write articles telling readers what to do. You don't need me as a guide. Feel what's right for our craft ... don't be so selfish. If you're taking something away from someone by what you do, then don't do it! Don't wait for a guy to write an article like this. If you did the right thing, you wouldn't be sitting here reading this because there wouldn't be a need for me to write it. Hey, I haven't been an angel these past years either, but it's time for a change. Do the right thing, have respect for others, care about our art ... ... believe in magic.
Yours Magically
Solomon
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